Cumminist Manifesto

Manifesto of the Cumminist Party

English Original Edition 1

Part 1: Introduction

A spectre is haunting Acadia—the spectre of Cumminism.

All Acadian Parties have entered into a holy alliance to

exorcise this spectre: The Independent and Cockservatives, Prosperities and Democraps.

Where is the party in opposition that has not been decried as Cumministic by its opponents in power?

Where is the Opposition that has not hurled back the branding reproach of Cumminists, against the more advanced opposition parties, as well as against its reactionary adversaries?

Two things result from this fact.

I. Cumminism is already acknowledged by all World Powers to be itself a strong opponent.

II. It is high time that Cumminists should openly, in the face of the whole world, publish their views, their aims, their tendencies, and meet this nursery tale of the Spectre of Cumminism with a Manifesto of the party itself.

To this end, Cumminists of various nationalities have assembled in Acadia, and sketched the following Manifesto, to be published in the English, Avalonese, French and Pissist languages.

The 21st century crapitalists and cockservatives are doomed to be overthrown by our revolutionaries, giving birth to the era of Cumminism. We will abolish the crapitalist lies and build up a Pissist Empire. We will bring fourth a world that belongs to the cumminists. Everyone is equal and the Pissist people will become the ruling class.

Part 2: The Régime and The Populus

The history of all hitherto existing society is the history of class struggles.

Government and people, traditionalists and free citizens, kings and slaves, the regime and the populus, in a word, oppressor and oppressed, stood in constant opposition to one another, carried on an uninterrupted, now hidden, now open fight, a fight that each time ended, either in a revolutionary re-constitution of society at large, or in the common ruin of the contending governing bodies.

In the earlier epochs of history, we find almost everywhere a complicated arrangement of society into various orders, a manifold gradation of social rank. In ancient Rome we have patricians, knights, plebeians, slaves; in the Middle Ages, feudal lords, vassals, guild-masters, journeymen, apprentices, serfs; in almost all of these classes, again, subordinate gradations.

The modern EMC community that has sprouted from the ruins of anarchical society has not done away with class antagonisms. It has but established new classes, new conditions of oppression, new forms of struggle in place of the old ones. Our epoch, the epoch of the oppressor, possesses, however, this distinctive feature: it has simplified the class antagonisms. Our community as a whole is more and more splitting up into two great hostile camps, into two great classes, directly facing each other: Regime and Populus.

The irresponsible governing bodies of today’s world have transformed our peaceful free workshops into oppressive factories. Masses of people that seek change can only sit on the benches, hoping the autocratic government would listen to them. Not only are they enslaved by the polity, they are daily and hourly enslaved by the capitalist ideas of private property.

Part 3: The Populus and The Cumminists

In what relation do the Cumminists stand to the Pissists as a whole?

The Cumminists do not form a separate party opposed to other Pissist parties.

They have no interests separate and apart from those of the Pissists as a whole.

They do not set up any sectarian principles of their own, by which to shape and mould the Pissist movement.

The Cumminists are distinguished from the other Pissist parties by this only: (1) In the national struggles of the pissists of the different nations, they point out and bring to the front the common interests of the entire Pissist society, independently of all nationality. (2) In the various stages of development which the struggle of the Pissist revolutionizers against the oppressive class has to pass through, they always and everywhere represent the interests of the movement as a whole.

Gold is not a personal power, it is a social power.

Cumminism does not deprive any player of the power to make change. It transfers the power of change to be spread, enough to give everyone a fair shot.

The first step to a global revolution is to raise the Pissists to the position of ruling class, which will inevitably win us the battle of democracy.

The Cumminists, therefore, are on the one hand, practically, the most advanced and resolute section of the Pissist parties of every nation, that section which pushes forward all others; on the other hand, theoretically, they have over the great mass of the Pissists the advantage of clearly understanding the line of march, the conditions, and the ultimate general results of the Pissist movement.

The immediate aim of the Cumminist is the same as that of all the other Pissist parties(If there were to have any): formation of the Pissist religion into an official lifestyle, overthrow of the oppressive supremacy, conquest of political power by the Pissists.

The theoretical conclusions of the Cumminists are in no way based on ideas or principles that have been invented, or discovered, by this or that would-be universal reformer. They merely express, in general terms, actual relations springing from an existing struggle, from a historical movement going on under our very eyes. The abolition of anti-Pissist relations is not at all a distinctive feature of Cumminism.

All anti-Pissist relations in the past have continually been subject to historical change consequent upon the change in historical conditions.

The distinguishing feature of Cumminism is not the abolition of anti-pissism generally, but the abolition of oppression in world governments. But modern community's anti-productive thinking is the final and most complete expression of the system of producing and appropriating anti-Pissist sentiment, that is based on Pissist antagonisms, on the exploitation of the many by the few.

In this sense, the theory of the Cumminists may be summed up in the single sentence: Abolition of oppression.

We Cumminists have been reproached with the desire of abolishing the right of oppression of Pissism, which belief is alleged to be the groundwork of all personal freedom, activity and independence.

Part 4: Pissist and Cumminist Literature

The lower classes were not the only classes that were ruined by the oppressive class, not the only classes whose conditions of existence were pined and perished in the atmosphere of a “free” society.

A characteristic of these oppressive classes is the desire to redress Cumminist ideas, in a valiant effort to maintain control of the society.

I do not refer to the literature of modern history, where every thought and voice of the Cumminists were heard. The oppressive governments try to undermine the Pissist hold on their society, but rather leads to the emancipation of all Cumminists.

Pissist Bible:

The Pissist and Cummunist literature of Acadia, a literature that originated under the pressure of an empire in power, and that was the expression of the struggle against this power, was introduced into the GMFP at a time when the bourgeoisie, in that country, had just begun its contest with anti-Pissist  sentiments.

Many philosophers, would-be philosophers, and beaux esprits, eagerly seized on this literature, only forgetting, that when these writings immigrated from Acadia into Avalon, Pissist conditions had not immigrated along with them. In contact with Avalonian religious conditions, this Acadian literature lost all its immediate practical significance, and assumed a purely literary aspect. Thus, to the anti-Pissist philosophers of the server, the demands of the Pissist War were nothing more than the demands of "Practical Reason" in general, and the utterance of the will of the revolutionary Acadian Pissists signified in their eyes the law of pure Will, of Will as it was bound to be, of true human Will generally.

The world of the Pissists literate consisted solely in bringing the new GMFP ideas into harmony with their ancient philosophical conscience, or rather, in annexing the Acadian ideas without deserting their own philosophic point of view.

This annexation took place in the same way in which a foreign language is appropriated, namely, by translation.

It is well known how the Poop wrote silly lives of the ordinary Pissists and Shites over the manuscripts on which the classical works of ancient Pissism had been written. The anti-pissist literate reversed this process with the profane literature. They wrote their philosophical nonsense beneath the Pissist original. For instance, beneath the Pissist criticism of the oppressive functions of power, they wrote "Alienation of Pissism," and beneath the Pissist criticism of the oppressive state they wrote "End of the Oppressive Era" and so forth.

Part 5: Position of the Cumminists in relation to existing opposition parties

The Cumminists fight for the attainment of the immediate aims, for the enforcement of the momentary interests of the Pissists; but in the movement of the present, they also represent and take care of the future of that movement. In Acadia the Cumminists ally themselves with the Government, against the oppressive and radical anti-pissists, reserving, however, the right to take up a critical position in regard to phrases and illusions traditionally handed down from the great Revolution.

In Avalon they support the Pissist party, without losing sight of the fact that this party consists of other elements, partly of Prosperities, in the Acadian sense, partly of radical anti-efficient thinkers.

In Labrador they support the party that insists on a Cumministic revolution as the prime condition for national emancipation, that party which fomented the insurrection of Cumminism in 2020.

In all other nations they fight with the Pissists whenever it acts in a revolutionary way, against the absolute monarchy, the authoritarian oppressors, and the petty noblemen.

But they never cease, for a single instant, to instil into the Pissists the clearest possible recognition of the hostile antagonism between oppressive and Cumminists, in order that the foreign Pissists may straightaway use, as so many weapons against the oppression, the social and political conditions that the oppressors must necessarily introduce along with its supremacy, and in order that, after the fall of anti-Pissist sentiments in the server, the fight against the oppression itself may immediately begin.

The Cummunists turn their attention chiefly to the rest of the World, because it is on the eve of an anti-pissist revolution that is bound to be carried out under more advanced conditions of EMC civilisation, and with a much more developed Pissist people, than that of Britain was in the old days, and of France before the depression, and because the anti-pissist revolution in the server will be but the prelude to an immediately following Pissist revolution.

In short, the Cummunists everywhere support every revolutionary movement against the existing oppressive order of things.

In all these movements they bring to the front, as the leading question in each, the great question, no matter what its degree of development at the time.

Finally, they work day and night everywhere for the union and agreement of the cumminist parties of all countries.

The Cummunists disdain to conceal their views and aims.

They openly declare that their ends can be attained only by

the forcible overthrow of all existing oppressive conditions.

Let the anti-Pissist regimes tremble at a Cummunistic revolution.

The Pissist people have nothing to lose but their chains.

They have a world to win.

PISSISTS OF ALL COUNTRIES, UNITE!