The Siege of Quito was a rough offensive raid carried out by rouge Wabanaki soldiers on the Panamanian city of Quito.

Before the Battle

On November 16th 2018, a Wabanaki Citizen L4certa, known as TakingScalps, along with CrispyChipotle privately declared war on Panama without the rest of their nation's consent. Later that day, L4certa was followed by 5 Panamanian Citizens from Quito after he suspiciously loitered at their farms. A scout from the Gulag Huntsmen reported that an entire herd of sheep was slaughtered. He would log off twenty minutes later after being alerted by CrispyChipotle that he was being followed by the Quito militia across the Pacific Ocean. Unsure if their quarry was aligned with any nation, the Quito militia correctly assumed he was a rouge player. Under the assumption he logged off in a base under the sea, the militia started a mining operation and secured dozens of resources. Sadly, they lost their quarry before bad news arrived from the watchman on duty.

The Siege

CrispyChipotle went go to the outskirts of the city of Quito and publicly announced a raid on their floating plantation. After the slaughter of their livestock just before Mutton Night (Ecuadorian holiday), a small horde of lightly armoured militia poured from their base. Unwilling to involve the Panamanian Marines, the Memelord of Quito refused to call for reinforcements our of pride and diplomatic restrictions due to the realization that a nation was attacking his shores.

Well practised in fields of analysis and diplomacy, Memelord knew an attack on his state would warrant a response from the national army. However, there was no way to know if the actions of a few reflected that of many. Memelord advanced with the vanguard and came under immediate fire from CrispyChipotle who shot the militiaman next to him. Memelord immediately threw up a barrier in an attempt to save the man, but it was too late. Agonized by crippling lag, his life was lost in a close-range archery match. The rest of the militia charged full tilt down the coast and took extreme casualties. At this point, more citizens began to arm themselves with gear intended only for peacetime. Short on any ranged weapons, a shield wall tactic adopted from their ancestors in the Bordweall Kingdom was used. A ring was formed and used to encircle the militant. Memelord took damage during this manoeuver and while incapacitated, CrispyChipotle shot Halfar - Memelord's precious warhound - in the face with a burning arrow. This blatantly atrocious action resulted in a rally from the Quito militia who savagely slashed the bad-burrito-man into a corner despite his obvious advantage. CrispyChipotle managed to break free from the circle, but not before killing Memelord who laid down his life to protect the Chief of the Gulag Hunstman by plunging his sword into Chipotle's neck. Forced to retreat and spam potions like a squishy mage, CrispyChipotle's reinforcements arrived to overpower the Quito militia. Quito did not attack the reinforcements at first to avoid escalation and in doing so cost the lives of most of their combat units. Roughly five minutes prior, Memelord unhappily called in for shock troops from the Panamanian Marines. They arrived in two waves and hit the beaches hard accompanied each by half the Quito militiamen.

This routing resulted in a long and bloody fight in the Pacific Ocean where the Quito militia used their new heavy troops to do what they do best: hit and runs. Chipotle was eventually no match, even with lag and bow spam, for the sheer unrelenting waves of militiamen who would sneak through. Panamanian Marines eventually subdued CrispyChipotle with an assist from several Quito militiamen.

The marines broke ranks to return to Panama, but Logan - Chipotle's reinforcements - was attempting to survive pursuit. He was dealt with by a hunting party after he was cut off by a sheer fortification he had no knowledge of.

Quito militiamen took extensive casualties due to their low tier gear, but never backed down despite being killed at least a dozen times each by a foe with superior weapons.

Fighting in mainland Panama.

After the main attack was fought off by the Panamanian defences, more Wabanakians headed towards Panama City. They tried to pass through the canal, but several Panamanians on guard duty forcibly beat them back. A long fight ensued on the beaches of Panama, where more bow spamming Canadians tried to kill a whole lot of Southern Americans. Quito rushed the completion several new items that would give them a slightly better chance of survival and joined the fight. The battle mostly consisted of waterborne bow versus shieldbearer slugfests. While the marines did most of the damage, vengeful Quito militiamen could be seen hauling arse toward any Canadian they could find.

With Shock Trooper Runner, the Chieftan of Gulag and Memelord managed to subdue CrispyChipotle once and for all. Sadly, Chief drowned in three feet of water because he was staring so hard into Chipotle's soul you might have thought the bad-burrito-man was skimped on his guacamole. Chipotle was badly injured and reeling away when Memelord arrived listening to atrocious music on his Nokia and riding a surfboard made of lightning. He roared 'yeet that crippled [censored]!' and made Crispy into a meal for two. This story may be somewhat fictitious, but the quote and kill are confirmed to be the words of one very gleeful jokester.

2018-11-16 18.02.13


This ended the first Siege of Quito. The Panamanians had more casualties than most people can count and the Wabanakis had three. After a heated discussion, the Treaty of Quito was signed, which assigned Wabanaki the task of delivering the Panama Republic 10 apples for the price of the horse lost as well as peace between the two nations.

To quote Memelord at this meeting:

"10 apples a day keeps the genocide away!" I'm sure he was just making a good joke, but the count of Quito wanted nothing more than to spend time with his people preparing for the arrival of a long future they were just made painfully aware of.

Any slightly positive outlook or bias is given to the Quito militia is to preserve their determination and ferocity. At the end of the day, though, they were still soundly thrashed by Canada due to their lack of preperation. Defend yourselves and your land.

List of Warriors


  • Drunk0ctopus
  • runner
  • _SmilySkeleton_
  • Mkle
  • A bunch of Quito citizens in iron armour
  • Jaden


  • Crispy
  • LoganCreeper50
  • L4Certa
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