The Pissist Restoration of France, also known as The French Crusade, The France Crusade or The Francia Crusade, was a Pissism Crusade on the general area of France as a response to Pro-Catholic sentiment in the area, and also to commemorate the crowning of Hodin as the new Emperor of Imperial Québec. Participating in the crusade were members of the Maritime East Coast Alliance (M.E.C.A.), Québec, Vinland, Ellesmere, Avalon, Acadia, Labrador, and extremist forces from The Sex Army, whom also participated.
This crusade is considered an extremely Holy event, as not only did the crusaders find Ancient French Pissist ruins during the Crusade, but The Ball God himself made an appearance in the form of _Obliterator by spawning on top of the Eiffel Tower during the crusade.
From an aerial photo, it can be deduced that over 177~ Pee Pees were placed in France during the Crusade, though that number is estimated to be higher if one counts the Pee Pees underground.
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The Pissist Restoration of France
Before the Crusade
A Change in Leadership
At Exactly 2:43:36 PM EST on August 21st, 2021, Hodin made an announcement explaining how on the following evening, a coronation would be taking place to pass the Crown from Emperor (and woman) Morgini to Hodin himself, thereby crowning him Emperor of Québec. But alongside this exciting announcement, he also divulged that after the coronation, a Pissism Crusade were to take place against the Roman Catholic Church. There had been a steady rise in Anti-Catholic sentiment in Greater Québec as of recently due to heightened tension between the Catholic Church and other nations picking sides in the French Civil War, and also because many in Québec believe roleplay to be stupid. After the message was sent, it spread throughout the Pissist World, making its way throughout the seven seas. Many Pissists had heard the word of Hodin and agreed to join him in this crusade. The message even met The Sex Army, an extremist Pissist religious group whom will fight tooth-and-nail to press their religion and impress The Ball God. Many reacted with :pee: or :avalong: emojis, citing their interest in the crusade. Though many would not expect it, this crusade would be both an interesting and holy crusade.
The Crowning of Hodin I
As the time grew closer, many flocked to Québec's capital, eager to get on with the sacred ceremony. By the time the coronation started, a group of 15 players had already gathered. The coronation officially began when both Morgini and Hodin joined Québec's voice chat, alongside the others. Morgini gave a speech, before Hodin gave one too, decked out in Golden Armour. Morgini officially gave the whole reigns of Québec to Hodin. Immediately afterward, to celebrate the change in leadership, Morgini enabled PvP in the two plots where everyone had gathered. SaltedSuris, leader of Labrador managed to kill Hodin and took his Golden Armour as a joke. He placed his armor on his Ender Chest.
To celebrate Hodin's coronation, Dabs_All_OvarYT brought a stack of Iron Hoes and dumped them on the Battlefield, as "Hodin" sounds an awful lot like "Hoe". After about 10 minutes of Hoe-based PvP Dream-flavoured speed-running, Morgini and Hodin unveiled the location of the following Pissism crusade, a 5x8 unclaimed field south of Paris. After everyone got enough signs, blocks and magenta concrete to cover the earth, everybody teleported to Paris, and the crusade began.
The Beginning of the Crusade
The crusaders immediately teleported to Paris, France, then began running south towards the holy field. Instinctively, the crusaders began placing Pee Pee structures. They began to construct a field of Pee Pees in the area. Morgini and SaltedSuris teamed up to build a live-sized model of the Dildo's Dildo, but ran short of magenta and had to use pink concrete and wool midway through. Multiple new species of Pee Pees were created, such as the STD-ridden or Transparent Pee Pees.
Members from the nation of Vinland/Ellesmere stylized themselves a giant Pee Pee right next to the Dildo's Dildo Lookalike called The Vinland Pee Pee, which stood proudly facing the Eiffel Tower. The crusaders then fell in a hole, and built Pee Pees in order to escape. Once out of the hole, they then went back into the cavern to place more. In the field, there was a lone house that looked to be an ancient structure of a begotten time. SaltedSuris decorated the church with a pp on top and proclaimed it to be the Pissist church. Dabs_All_OvarYT decided to refurbish this house as St. Morgini Pissism Church, and held periodic meetings inside of it during the crusade. It even began to emanate Pee Pees. As the Shite of his own new Pissism Church, Morgini was quite proud of himself and blew up the church. Luckily, it regenerated due to a blessing from the Ball God. More Pee Pees were placed eventually totaling over 177.
The Ball God's Surprise Appearance
Once the crusaders made their way east of the river, they found a message written in french on a small ruin. It roughly translates to "Protect this place, as it is Pissist". This lead the crusaders to believe that this small field wasn't only what it had seemed, and could quite possibly have been a Pissist place of worship for centuries before their crusade. Suddenly, out of the blue, a new player with fresh playerdata named _Obliterator spawned on top of the Eiffel Tower.
There may have been the possibility of chance in the placement of those french signs, but with a new player spawning on top of the Eiffel Tower immediately after the crusaders had discovered ancient french Pissist ruins right as a crusade had been occuring in the first place, it was in no way merely a coincidence; It was Divine Intervention. The Ball God, the deity of Pissism, must have reincarnated themselves as _Obliterator to aid in the crusade! The Ball God had only made an appearance this way once before, during the First Inuvik Crusade as Jacob8858, so it would not be entirely out of the ordinary for the Ball God to have done it again. With the grace of the Ball God themselves, the crusaders trekked on and placed more Pee Pees. Matthi3000_ would try to climb the Eiffel Tower to reach The Ball God, but would die of fall damage. He would be the only casualty during the whole crusade. Many are considering adding the Eiffel Tower as an official Pissist Symbol after the events of The Pissist Restoration of France, and as a result of the crusade that may just be possible with the populace.
- I don't know if I need to clarify this, but this is talking about the EarthMC religion by the name of Catholicism, not the real-life religion. We love all peoples.
- Salted had stated he put it in his Ender Chest